The Ponderings of a Big Foot Buddha

2003-05-25 - 10:31 a.m.

Life with a Malamute 101

!!! Warning extremely biased opinions and viewpoints ahead !!!

Ok just to kick it off a malamute is the smartest friendliest family oriented fuzzy family member you could possibly thing of adding to your existing family. (told you it was going to get very biased around here this time :-D ).

However that being said there are a few things you should know about malamutes before you invite one to become a part of your family. First and foremost (and this applies to any pet you bring home) read everything you can find on the subject and talk to everyone you can find that has a malamute. Next remember they are all wrong including me. Malamutes are quite the collection of characters and what works with my girl may not be what your fuzzy one needs to be happy. Although there are some traits near all malamutes have in common.

Malamutes are pack oriented with all that entails. They aren’t happy being left alone continuously. They want and need companionship.

Malamutes are working dogs. This means they also become unhappy if they don’t have a job regardless if that is pulling a sled or pulling you around the block a few times a day. They need something to do.

Malamutes being pack oriented are very aware of hierarchy, while most don’t seek to be the dominant member of your family/pack if you don’t adequately fill that roll they are more than willing to suck it up and take over your house and life for the good of the pack. Note what constitutes adequate leadership will vary from Mal to Mal. Keeping your role as pack leader means being firm and consistent, all the time, every day. It doesn’t require your to be mean cruel or abuse your dog either. Every command you give must be obeyed even you have to get up off the couch haul your butt across the room and your fuzzy kid back to the couch if she/he didn’t come when called. Or making her sit everything for her snacks etc etc. They also have to be the ones to move if they are in your spot on the couch or in your favorite chair. Plus the boss eats first so make sure you feed after the family dinner not before. Etc etc . hehe didn’t mean for this to be a training manual but you get the idea a bit I hope.

Here are a few things you may get to enjoy if you decide to have a malamute become apart of your family. These are all things that have happened in our family/home and as usual your mileage/experiences may be different. (heck may be different? Na certainly will be different)

Playing keep away with the wife’s slipper in the backyard. (Wife was wearing them when this started but knitted wool slippers apparently seem to look a lot like stuffed toys when you wear them in the back yard.) One slipper gets snatched whist sitting with your feet up in the yard one afternoon equals 30 mins of frolicking.

Slapping the snow off a glove against your leg can also equal 30 mins of frolicking and playing keep away if done in front of a malamute.

Malamutes can learn to speak English, although with a bit of an accent. Ours has “Hello”, “How are you”, “No” and several other small words done pat and she knows when to use them too. People don’t believe us until they’ve heard it a few times. Malamutes need to be vocal and it’s up to you to control when and where so you don’t get moon howlers hehe.

Malamutes are pillow hogs.

Playing tug-a-war with underwear while they are around your ankles is a fair sport if you’re silly enough to leave the bathroom door unlatched.

Malamutes can read. My wifes mail used to get pulled off the counter and opened for us. Mine never did. Our girls knew exactly which mail belonged to my wife and never touched mine.

You’re not getting enough exercise if your malamute gets fat.

Things to remember if you are a Malamute

Pop cans really need to be empty or at least have the top popped before you shake it and then bite into it. No I mean really need to be otherwise the foam goes out your nose ewwww.

Mom and Dad need some private time, staring at them when they are wrestling seems to freak them out.

Garden hoses lying in the grass are not snakes or anything that need to be killed and eaten.

Mustard in squeeze bottles needs to be treated gently.

Sitting on Dad’s lap while he’s driving so I can look out his window is dangerous to our continued well being.

Squirrels fit between the gaps in the fence boards Malamutes do not. Klonk.

If someone is lying on the couch laughing while you kiss their face stand on their hair so they can’t get away.

Sleeping people are so much easier to sneak up on if you want to bark in their face at 2:00 am. They get such a startled look.

Children are allowed to run around the park behind the house squealing and my yelling at them to shut up only makes them louder.

Dads have a hairy fit if you steal the bulb while they are changing lights.

Books are for reading not eating.

Not all strangers with food are my long lost friend and I don’t need to go visit them while we are at the Starbucks patio.

The low bulk bins at the pet store are not a buffet line. Silly people.

Bank tellers, grocery clerks, hardware store employees, clothing store girls etc don’t really know how well behaved I am and we should not yell back at them if they yell at us first.

Kids playing with sticks and balls (street hockey) are not really doing it for my benefit and they really would like their ball back sometime soon.

Everyone throwing a Frisbee should realize I just can’t help myself, I really really want it.

Not all other dogs like to play pounce and wrestle without warning.

Small dogs aren’t squeak toys and I really shouldn’t stand on them to make them squeak.

People really want to smell like that after a shower and I don’t need to rub all over them to get them to smell proper again.

While minty stuff tastes good I am not supposed to try to get it out of Dads mouth after he brushes his teeth.

Someday I really should show my people where all the missing socks are.

If I’m not supposed to let myself in and out why did you show me how to open a door knob?

If the meat drawer in the fridge isn’t for us short fuzzy people why is it on the bottom? And why did you leave the fridge door open?

Counter surfing for snacks is both fun and nutritious. The risk of getting caught adds to the excitement of the game.

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